Author Blog of the Living Dead

This is somewhere between pitiful and hilarious, so I'm pushing for hilarious. In the process of signing up to get Dungeons & Dayjobs an ISBN number with the print-on-demand service, they also give you one year of selling it on Amazon. It's not actually Amazon taking any interest in your book. It's Lulu agreeing to list it via "Amazon marketplace", an auction like any shmuck can do, just so it will show up when people look for it on Amazon.

Amazon later started author blogs on their site so legit authors could drum up interest in the related Amazon pages. I started a blog there, feeling all special, and posted a few stories to it. I never had any actual in-store appearances or readings or book-signings to report, so instead I wrote stories about appearing at a vampire's bookstore in Livonia, and battling with my marketing witch. But now that my one year has expired, Lulu is not selling the book as an Amazon marketplace seller, so Amazon took the book page down. Even though you find a dozen book pages saying "This book is not available" every time you search, those are apparently reserved for legit books, not for self-publishing scum. You can't find me by name or by searching for the book title on Amazon now, but my phantom author blog is still available if you get there by direct link. I'm going to see how much trash talk I can get away with there before they delete it. If a book falls down the memory hole of a megalithic commercial website and there's no one around to hear it, is there any point in hosting the author's blog?

The best part is at the top of the page, where it used to give the name of my book, it now reads:
Robert T. Northrup's Amazon Blog
Author of .

Almost Always, Somebody Lost An Eye

Have you ever made one of those wagers with a deity where you just know a dozen mortals will end up insane or beheaded, daughters marrying fathers, cousins stabbing grandmothers, and almost always, somebody has to lose an eye? Click here to listen to "Almost Always, Somebody Lost an Eye," the first story of the Dungeons & Dayjobs podcast.
[Run time: 17:04 minutes. The link above points to 128 kbps, 16.4 MB mp3 file. Click here to see other file formats for downloading or streaming. Music at the beginning and end is "Hot Lips" by Bill Brown and His Brownies.]

Dungeons & Dayjobs cartoon promo

Remember the Dungeons & Dayjobs cartoon from 1983?

Hey, look. It's the Dungeons & Dayjobs ride! Wow, neat. Gimme a break. I don't like this. What's that noise? It's the GIANT SUCKING SOUND of our jobs whooshing overseas, just like Ross Perot warned us! ...Nah, Ross Perot said Mexico, not overseas. Whatever. Whoaaaa! (ROAR)

How will the kids adjust to this new world of eyeball-tearing corporate boredom and spiritual stagnation? Listen to the Dungeons & Dayjobs podcast promo to find out!

As you may know, I published a short story collection called "Dungeons & Dayjobs". I figured it wouldn't hurt to podcast my stories from that book for free, and it might catch people's attention who wouldn't have heard of it elsewhere. Giving away copies in other formats doesn't seem to hurt Cory Doctorow's sales. He podcasts short stories and gives away whole books in electronic format while the hard copies are still in print.

I hope you enjoy these stories. If you want more, you could wait for me to post another story, or you can read them all before they show up on the podcast by buying a copy of the book at